Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for personal and professional relationships. Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set for ourselves in order to protect our emotional and physical wellbeing, and they can vary depending on the individual, the relationship, and the setting. Setting boundaries requires vulnerability, trust, and communication, and it's not always an easy process. However, the benefits of setting and respecting boundaries are immense, including increased self-esteem, better communication, and stronger relationships.
Tips for Setting Boundaries:
Boundaries are defined within the context of a relationship, and maximal freedoms and minimal restrictions should be encouraged. This takes time though and maximal care needs to be applied. Vulnerability is difficult. Trust takes time.
Your boundaries are your choice and should always be respected. They are setting-dependent. They are individual-dependent and your boundaries can vary from person to person. They are flexible. They are important in maintaining your sense of safety.
Boundaries between two or more individual persons can vary themselves in different settings – i.e., professional friendships. Use different mediums to communicate within these different settings to preserve each domain separately. Communicate over WhatsApp for personal matters and professional email for work matters.
Disclose your boundaries early, be consistent, kind but firm. Can you get upset with someone who doesn’t know your boundaries and who violates them unknowingly? No, you cannot. That is very unfair to the other person.
If you feel like you’ve talked about your boundaries already, and there is a violation, explain it again as there might have been a misunderstanding in the original declaration. Watch for clues that the other individual comprehends what you said, such as rephrasing what you said in a way that demonstrates understanding or showing empathy.
If one medium is unclear, try another medium. I.e. if texts are being misinterpreted, try calling on phone or meeting in person.
Boundaries are dynamic. They may change. That’s OK. Don’t assume it’s your fault. A person is entitled to their boundaries. They are flexible and subject to change. Relationships endure as individuals respect evolving boundary needs.
Termination from continued boundary violations is dependent on if relationship is personal versus professional. Keep in mind if you have both in one person, a rupture and termination of one almost certainly causes rupture and termination of the other. This is why many choose not to mix professional and personal.
If after two or three explanations with verification of comprehension, there remains violations, then first consider putting the relationship on "pause" and giving each other space. You can at any point terminate the relationship, but think carefully before doing so. "Pauses" in relationships up to 2 months often solve many issues as it gives both parties time to reflect. Don't be too quick to throw in the towel.
If a professional relationship is involved, exercise greater caution. The case may need to be discussed first privately with a therapist or close confidant not associated with your employer. Do not discuss with coworkers. Do not go to HR or your supervisor right away. First speak with a third party who is close to you.
If stalker like-behavior, harassment or threats of violence, then terminate immediately, do not continue reaching out and consider legal involvement.
Watch out for mental illness. If boundaries have been respected for years, for example, and there is sudden change of behavior, and boundaries are violated, think to yourself: is the person mentally OK? Baseline behavior changes when one is depressed, manic, or experiencing psychosis. It also changes in HSV encephalitis, after brain trauma
Regarding reconnecting after taking space, try to meet in person to avoid misunderstandings. Texting especially lacks verbal and social cues that allow us to interpret underlying motivation and meaning of language. Though our essential nature doesn't change over time, our language, habits, and geographical location do. Be cognizant of this when reaching out to old friends.
If someone asks you to stop contacting them or to leave them alone, exercise caution and refer to tip #12. It may be a cry for help. If you are reassured of their mental health, then give them space. This is tricky because it is important to take into account individual circumstances.
Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of maintaining healthy relationships. It's important to remember that boundaries are flexible and can change over time, but they should always be respected. Communication is key in establishing and maintaining boundaries, and it's important to be consistent, kind but firm, and to verify comprehension. If there are repeated boundary violations, it may be necessary to take a "pause" or terminate the relationship altogether. It's also crucial to be mindful of mental health, as changes in behavior could be a sign of an underlying issue. By respecting our own boundaries and those of others, we can create and maintain healthy relationships.
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